Wooow!

I have been gone baby gone for a long time, but I'm getting back into the swing of things. I packed up my baby boy and we moved around the corner to new digs. The groove is a little different, but we're settling in nicely. The change of scenery (in the middle of my crucial semester before applying to nursing programs) kicked up quite a bit of chaos, but that hasn't upset my natural journey in any way.


Before the day of the big move, I went on a trip to Atlanta to get myself set right on my axis. *Insert "I have a secret" smiley here* I put cornrows in my hair to make my trip a little easier, and I've been back for 12 days now. I took the braids out last night/this morning and did a wash and condition (with Aussie's 3-Minute Miracle) and couldn't wait to get my hands back into my curls. Imagine my delight when I stepped out of the shower and took a glance in the mirror and noticed a tremendous amount of growth. Yikes! Two weeks of keeping my hands out of it, moisturizing from the inside and out and just living my life certainly did my kinky coils some good!

The last time I did a length check, this is what I had. I don't know how many centimeters that is, but I'm sure I was quite proud of it when I posted that awesome growth last month. That was the fruit of my washing/conditioning/coconut oil loving/shea butter using hard work. I love it. I haven't been doing much different, except I'm much more vigilant about keeping my hands out of my hair as much as possible and keeping as much moisture in my hair as I can manage.

I still haven't got my hands on any castor oil yet, and I need to get off my tail and go get some aloe vera juice as well, but whatever I have been doing is working to some degree, because when I took my cornrows out and washed my hair I felt lusciously soft curls in the back (where I won't need to BC because those scraggly straight ends have long since broken off) and some springy little loves on the top and in the middle. I believe I said out loud "My hair grew like weeds over the last two weeks!"

I was so excited when I took this pic that I was highly tempted to take the scissors and go to work! As much as I want to free my little coils, I also want to take more time to nurture and baby them. I signed up for this journey as a long-term transitioner, and I'd like to see that through.

I've got some ideas in mind as far as my next style. Stay tuned. I'll probably be putting that in some time this weekend. I made myself rather late today goofing around with these curls, so I put it in braids and covered it with a black scarf before scampering off to work. Now is a good time to talk about my new thoughts about products though.

I used Elasta QP Mango Butter for my braids today, which will make for a lovely braid-out tomorrow (fingers crossed). Before that I'd decided I want to use that as my creamy base when making a leave-in conditioner made wildly popular on Youtube. Before that I'd come to the conclusion that while I want to try out the more expensive products, I also want to keep it simple while I'm transitioning, and I don't really want to waste my good stuff on ends I'm just going to cut off in August. So, as I continue to decide what kind of natural I want to be, I intend to stick to my Aussie products (which worked well the first time I went natural and have been working wonders on my son's curls) and maybe add some love (read: honey, olive oil, coconut oil, jojoba oil and/or aloe vera juice) to the more classic Suave Tropical Coconut Conditioner. I also want to try out the Suave Naturals Shea Butter and Almond products many naturals rave about. They had some on sale at Walmart this week, but I've still got two huge bottles of Tropical Coconut to sift through, not to mention my baby's economy-size bottle of Aussie Moist. That Aussie leave-in is thick with aloe vera juice, and I believe it is greatly responsible for the fact that my braids are still feeling yummy despite the fact that I put them in 9 hours ago.

Until next time...

Something new soon

The air is getting a little chillier around my way, so I'm about to be researching lots and lots of protective style options. Last week I just did three flat twists on the side and twist-n-curled the rest, so it looked slightly pinned back on one side and free and curly all over the rest of my head.


What I've discovered, though, is that co-washing with the Tea Tree Tingle conditioner from Trader Joe's hasn't been cleaning my hair and scalp enough before I put on the deep conditioner and add my moisturizers and stuff. To fix that problem, I headed over to Target today and got some Giovanni 50:50 Balanced Hydrating-Clarifying Shampoo to try tomorrow night. I also grabbed the Smooth as Silk Deeper Moisture Conditioner I've heard people rave about. I'm going to give this combo a try and see if I haven't found my new 1-2 punch combo for deep conditioning Sundays.


Another thing I discovered last week is that sealing my ends with jojoba oil truly does work wonders. When I was twisting-n-curling my style last week, I did the twists then put jojoba oil on my fingertips and caressed the twist all the way to the end before I rolled it up in the rollers. The next day my hair came out so touchably soft from root to tip it was amazing. I fought HARD against hand-in-head syndrome all week.

I'll definitely be doing that again this week. I want to try my hand at a curl-hawk, but I think I've twist-n-curled my poor little hair quite a bit over my last month and some change of transitioning, so I'm going to give my curls a little break. This week will be all braid-out and stretching styles so at the end of the week I can pull it up into a wild-looking puff or something like that. I'm also leaning toward putting kinky twists in my hair in the very near future. We'll see.

I've been working on a kinder, gentler way to handle my hair, and so far it's been going very well. I'll keep practicing though. I also need to get myself in gear and find some fabric and flowers and start accessorizing my fabulous hair. I did a semi-length check, but I can't really tell if there's been any growth or not. I focus too much on what my hair feels like that I don't really measure it very much.

Maybe I'll try to focus on taking better pics. Ha ha ha. I can't hardly tell what's going on in there! I believe it is growing and thriving mainly because when I reach my fingers in there I feel REALLY defined curls. The growth will be more noticeable soon I'm sure. We'll check again next month...around my birthday!!! Yaayyyy!

P.S. - I'm excited about my upcoming birthday because I'm going to celebrate it with someone very special in my life. Yes, this blog is the absolute only place I can share even that much about it. I can't stop smiling, so I'm going to go ahead and get on that protective styling mission. LOL.

All smiles

I am a very happy camper right about now. I have some exciting changes going on in my life right now, and in the hustle and bustle of it all I forgot to come here and blog about the little style I gave myself this week. I wanted a "french twist" type of style with flat twists, two-strand twists and some twisted-n-curled ends. Want to see how it turned out?

I loved it INSTANTLY, and not just because I'd worked on it all night. It felt sassy but still presentable. Clearly I wore this to work that day. It wasn't difficult to do at all. The hardest part was making my parts straight. Ha ha ha. I used Elasta QP Mango Butter and aloe vera gel to set the twists. I've been refreshing and recycling this style all week, and it has held up well under the pressure. My friends at school told me they liked it better on day two than on day one...but that's because it resembled tousled beach hair and we're a bunch of pseudo hippies. Hahaha.

I put flat twists on both sides, which is why the straight parting was such an ordeal. I prefer to part with my fingers rather than with a comb -- more out of laziness than out of the more noble intention of protecting my delicate hair. In fact, while I'm experimenting with styling and such, I'm also learning to be much more gentle with my hair. While I'm washing and conditioning and detangling and twisting and oiling and all that I am constantly having to remind myself to be mindful of how I'm handling my hair. I struggled with pulling too tight when doing the flat twists (so I had to correct myself) and rolling the curling rods too tight (more correction). I've got a year in transition to get this right. The more I do it the better off I will be.

So, the twists met in the middle then I twisted them upward and pinned them into place. Here you can really see what I meant about those parts, right? A little crooked and uneven, but I think it gives the style a little character. Ha ha ha.

I curled the ends of the twists, and I two-strand twisted-n-curled a section of hair I'd left out at the crown. Slept on that then unraveled everything in the morning with coconut oil on my finger tips and voila! Couldn't tell me much of nothin' that day.

I know I was supposed to do something in the way of a length check, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll be deep conditioning tomorrow, so I'll try and remember to do it then.

Monday I'll do a simple little style while I try to think of another more protective style to rock. I'm considering putting some kinky twists in, but we'll see how that goes. I've never done them before, but I've always thought they looked really cute.

Things are semi-crazy in the school world (I have a quiz in Spanish and an exam in physio Wednesday), and I'm in the process of moving, and I'm starting a new chapter on what we'll call a "refreshed portion of my life." I am as happy as a woman can be right now, and I'm going to just keep the positive energy going.

Shame on me

I know. I haven't been around all week, but there's a very good reason for that. The pace at school is starting to pick up (I have a quiz Monday in physio) and my son is chatting up a storm, so I've been occupied with my school books and his board books to make sure he's developing language and vocabulary and a general love for learning. I have not, however, forsaken my hair journey. Hahaha.


I haven't really talked much about my goals for growth or length retention because I'm still transitioning. I don't know that I'm really keeping track of my growth yet, but with my one month-no relaxer date coming up I figured I should visit the subject somehow.

This photo was taken August 8, 2010. I clearly still have conditioner in my hair, but the most important part to me was the thick, wavy, kinky, curly, coily stuff at my roots in comparison with my very limp, straight ends (which you can see a bit in this picture). You can also see the thinning at my hairline, which I'm hoping better care will fix during this process.

When I took this picture I was more interested in the texture springing out of my scalp than I was in the length of my hair. This is not to say that I do not want to grow my natural hair long, because I do, but I was so enchanted with the glorious feel of my roots that I got out of the shower before the conditioner was fully rinsed out to snap a pic of the beginning of, well, everything. I love this, and this is why I'm going to keep going.

This photo was taken about a week later on August 15, 2010. Even though there is no conditioner in my hair, I guarantee I jumped out of the shower and snapped this picture because again I was in love with what my roots felt like.

This picture may not be a great representation of growth, but it does show more curl definition. Also, with just a week of TLC (and pretty much leaving it alone and letting it live), my hairline is making a comeback. I know you see it.

Now that I've dug these photos up, I'm going to start doing something in the way of keeping track of any growth.

I'll snap some pics Sunday night after I deep condition then I'll put them up along with my style I hope to hold until Tuesday. I'm just going to do flat twists in the front and do a twist-and-curl out in the back. That should hold for a few days.

I plan to put in some cornrows with extensions Tuesday to brave my upcoming mini-vacation. Part of me wants to leave those in for two weeks, but I know I get to missing my hair when it's braided. When I return I'll probably co-wash and do a length check somehow to celebrate surviving one month of transitioning.

Really quick

So, I've become slightly obsessed with YouTube, and I've subscribed to a couple channels that have become a wealth of information. Needless to say I'm dying to try a bunch of stuff.

I've been thinking about my regimen, and I've decided I need to add more water to it. Tonight is deep condition night, so by default it is also "hook up a cute little style for school tomorrow" night. I'm thinking I should start easing myself into the protective style game by doing a semi-protective style on deep condition night to last Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Wednesday just became co-wash night. We'll see how this goes.

I'm also thinking about mix-mastering a leave-in, because I still haven't really found one I like a whole lot. I picked up the Aussie Hair Insurance leave-in, and it smells and feels nice, but it's not holding the moisture all day like I want it to. I think that might be because it has cones and not a whole lot of castor oil. Also, after watching this and this, I've decided I might want to try something new.

Anyhow, that's my tidbit of an update for today. We'll see what shakes up tonight.

More about my journey, and "the male response"

First and foremost I must sing the praises of unrefined shea butter. My hair officially loves it and it leaves my curls luciously moisturized and touchably soft. I had a hard time keeping my hands out of my hair the other day just because my roots felt oh so good! Now, the photo below probably doesn't look much different than my previous photo because the style is exactly the same. Believe me when I tell you, though, that my hair was much much happier in today's photo (which was actually taken yesterday).

Most of my friends really, really liked this photo. Granted this was the first photo most of my friends got to see of my "new look," but their delight is the perfect segway into the meat and potatoes of this post.

I have gotten a lot of compliments since I started transitioning. I have a friend who did not support my decision to perm after the first time I went natural, so she has been my personal "keep the curls going" cheerleader in this thing. I didn't expect a huge response at all, though. I did expect a few questions.

The more steps I take along my journey -- and believe me ordering unrefined shea butter and applying it to my hair instead of the grease and hair lotion we've all grown up knowing/loving/fearing was quite a huge step -- I become more aware of why I'm doing this and what I hope to accomplish. Thus far, the change has been a big boost to my confidence. I feel a certain level of contentment with the fact that I've managed to care for and style my hair. I looked in the mirror after taking out the rollers and twists and thought "Go on 'head, girl!" I plan to keep the momentum going.

Yesterday a male friend asked me if I would get rid of my curls if he asked me to. It was hard not to laugh. This particular friend has a photo album chock full of pictures of pretty much every girlfriend he's ever had in his adult life. They all look the same. Permed/pressed straight hair worn down with a part in the middle. *yawn*

Part of the reason I'm embarking upon this journey is to break out of that cookie-cutter, "this is pretty" model. This is about looking society square in the eye and informing them how I define beautiful for me. That requires that along the way I examine who I am and what is beautiful about me. I've got a great mind. My hair is just a small part of me, but I'm at a place where I absolutely believe it is a beautiful part of me. I wouldn't get rid of my curls for anybody, and anybody who knows me well would know not to even request such a thing. See how militant I am 20 days into this thing? Don't get me started.

Other guys have told me the curls are beautiful, and for some reason they always want to touch. Yes, this is my hair. No, there are no tracks. Most importantly, I don't want your hands in it because I don't necessarily know where you've been.

Another part of my journey does have to do with being healthy. I've been a Trader Joe's junkie for quite some time now. I prefer fruits and vegetables to fries and shakes (most of the time). It occurred to me, though, that while I was putting great things into my body, I was slapping only God knows what on top of my head. The irony in that is that even with a perm and a press, I was most likely not going to do anything spectacular with my hair other than throw it into a ponytail or a bun and go on about my day. Not for nothin', because I can cornrow, braid, twist, bump, curl and style like nobody's business-- straight hair just didn't inspire me quite like my own texture has lately. I've been thinking up new creations on the daily, and I'm dying to try them. I'm trying to save my good stuff for winter when I'll have to rely heavily upon protective styles though.

Wow, that was a tangent.

And we're back. I'm digging the whole "good stuff in, good stuff out" vibe that flows right along with this natural hair journey. I'm rolling with it and letting it wash over me. I'm looking forward to natural ingredients in my hair and skin care routines in the future.

I have a confession to make

So, the other day I waxed poetic about my mix masterpiece of Nourish Spa conditioner, honey and olive oil. What I didn't tell you was about my mix master fail that ruined my attempts at a cute little style two days in a row. No, there is no photo evidence of said fail. You'll just have to trust me.

I mixed Suave Tropical Coconut conditioner with some coconut oil and used that as my "moisutrizer" then put in flat twists and rolled the ends with wave rods. The next day I was supposed to have soft, feminine, flirty curls. In actuality, I had extremely happy roots and totally saturated permed ends...not a good look. Needless to say I tossed that tragedy into a bun...AND THAT WAS MY LOOK FOR THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! Cue my tears.

Tuesday night (because yes, I made the same mistake and had the same disaster the next day) I used that conditioner/coconut oil mix to detangle my hair in the shower then used my Elasta QP Mango Butter as a moisturizer while I did the flat twists/rolled ends and this is what I got for my efforts:

This may very well have just secured a spot as one of my go-to styles while I am transitioning. I couldn't be happier with my results.

Now I see the error in my ways and yadda yadda yadda. Conditioner is a great leave-in, but not a moisturizer/style product. Got it.

I can't wait to set my hair for this style again tonight. Here's the kicker: my unrefined shea butter arrived today. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

OMG

I know I've been MIA these past few days. What a bad transitioning-to-natural hair blogger I am. Tsk tsk. I'm still on the wagon--not to worry. As a matter of fact, I have a little story to tell today. You see, today is the first day of classes, so last night I kinda took it back to the old school and got myself ready for the big day like everybody's momma used to do when we were in elementary school. Don't act like you don't remember getting your hair done Sunday night and having a stocking cap (or a clean pair of underwear in a pinch) slapped on your head to maintain that 'do for as much of the week as possible. Oh, I'm the only one? No, I am not. My momma did the same thing to my kid sister. Hahaha.

Last night was deep condition night, so I co-washed with the Tea Tree Tingle conditioner then I did something a little different. I never intended on becoming a mix master, but I decided to add a spoonful of olive oil and honey to my Nourish Spa conditioner to up the moisturizing ante. Wow.

That mixture sat on my hair for about 45 minutes and proceeded to make sweet, tender love to my curls. So much so that I was tempted to go crazy, grab a pair of scissors and set my kinky coils FREE!!! That mixture will be my weekly deep condition treatment from now on. One last shot of the back (which is not very clear). I look at these two photos and am convinced I have at least two textures on my head. Great!

This does not in any way quell my desire to cut it all off and keep my fingertips gently atop every kink, coil and curl I find in there. Sheesh! Pray for my strength.

Progress

I watched what felt like a million YouTube videos and finally learned how to do two-strand twists. My cornrow game has been on point for a while (I used to hook friends up in undergrad for the low low price of $10 a head), but I was totally new to the two-strand twists. When I rocked my cute little style the other day, proud of it as I was, my two-strand twists were...fuzzy at best and indistinguishable if I want to be really real with myself. Ha ha ha. But, as I stated before, I was quite proud of my experimental style (which I got from a tutorial on YouTube), and I rocked it without a second thought. Can't tell me nothin'. The people that told me it was so cute have no idea what kind of monster they were dealing with. I was feeling myself all day with that hairstyle, and now that I can actually do the twists so that they look good?! Watch out now!

I'm still learning and growing (and hopefully my hair is too) and I am currently excited to be experimenting again. I used the Tea Tree Tingling Conditioner from Trader Joe's night before last, and it worked wonderfully on my hair. My scalp was still tingling long after my shower was over, and it provided enough slip for me to detangle without snagging or hurting my hair at all. I'm still learning to be much more gentle with my curls. Raking away at them is so wrong when they haven't even done any harm to me! Anyhow, that conditioner kept my hair soft the whole time I was twisting and rolling (see above photo for results), and it made my hair smell like peppermint! Two thumbs up.

I got lazy last night and just rinsed my hair a bit and sprayed my leave-in on (my leave-in for now is diluted Suave Tropical Coconut Conditioner--I love the smell) then I moisturized with Elasta QP Mango Butter and sealed with my jojoba oil. I was delighted to find jojoba oil at Trader Joe's, by the way. Back on topic, I put my hair in two plaits, because my roots are thick and my permed ends are super stringy and thin. I wrapped that up in my satin scarf and read a couple chapters before heading to bed. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, that pic on the right is what that hard work got me this morning. I love it!

I'm working on doing a better job of protecting my edges since I am the queen of ponytails and buns, and I know that's a lot of stress on my hairline. I spritzed leave-in conditioner, added more mango butter and sealed up with jojoba oil before finger-combing it up into that braid out ponytail. The result made me smile.

That regimen has been keeping my egdes touchably soft so far, but I'm still having some difficulty quenching the thirst of the curls at my crown and in my middle. I went to GNC today and got some organic coconut oil. I've been daydreaming about using it the entire time I've been at work. We'll see what kind of magic it works when I get off. I've got an idea for a protective style I want to try tonight.

True Inspiration

Before I was ever anybody's mother I was a nerdy tomboy. I read books for fun. I wrote books for even more fun. I'm a Lakers fan, and a Cowboys fan, and yes, I know those are two different sports. I am as comfortable watching General Hospital as I am watching the playoffs. That's just how I roll. I was not always comfortable, however, playing in Barbie's hair. Hahaha.



When I was pregnant with my son, one of my sorors told me "I can see you having a son first. No muss. No fuss. Just brush the hair a little bit, and ya'll can just go!" This, of course, from someone who sees me regularly and knows I've always got "all this hair" up in a trusty ponytail or bun--which is why transitioning with protective styles isn't going to be all that drastic for me. But I digress.



For the longest time I didn't really do much with my baby's curly head. I kept it clean, of course (I am a bit of a germaphobe, by the way), but there was no real "styling" going on. I love his little fro, it's about as wild and full of personality as he is. Also, he's not the kind of kid who's willing to sit still long enough to get "that braids and beads thing" done. One day I looked at his thirsty little curls and decided I was going to take better care of his hair, because it wasn't like I didn't know how to deal with curly hair. I'd worn my own natural before. I have the patience, I'll find the time, and he's just so cute when his hair is happy!



Taking on this new interest in my son's hair kinda brought me back to my own. I missed my curls, and wouldn't it be semi-cute (albeit semi-lame) for us to rock matching fros? I can dig it! That was the last little nudge I needed. Now I'm all in!

A New Journey

So, I've had an awakening of sorts and it's feeling really good. I don't remember the last time I relaxed my hair, but I've got about an inch or so of new growth, so we'll estimate it was about two months ago. That's neither here nor there, because I'm adopting August 1st as my official "I'm going back to my natural hair texture" date.

I've certainly gone natural before, and it was a very freeing experience. This time around I plan to transition a little longer, and I hope to learn a very valuable lesson along the way: I want to force myself to take the time and care to treat myself better. These nights spent twisting, rolling and braiding in my hair (not to mention deep conditioning, oiling my scalp and moisturizing my ends) will also serve as time spent just being good to myself.

I am extra excited to get going on this journey, because I expect a lot to change as I take these steps. This fall I'll be taking my last prerequisite class before I start the nail-biting experience of applying to nursing schools. Yikes!!! That's a journey in and of itself. Next week I start volunteering at a local hospital to get my feet wet and make sure the sight of blood doesn't make me want to pass out. I'm growing into a completely different person, and what I'm about to go through with my hair is going to be an interesting part of that.

That pic up there is my first serious attempt at a style while I'm transitioning. That's my first time ever doing flat twists, and let's just say I'm glad ya'll can't see how fuzzy they turned out, lol. I'm proud of them because they were definitely a labor of love though. I plan to transition for a year (the idea is to do my big chop right before I start nursing school -- see how I need to be accepted in order for this whole thing to even work out? yea), and I want to get to know my texture and the products that work best for me while I'm doing that (I've already accepted my status as a product junkie -- and acceptance is always the first step). I've been so in love with this style today that I'm liable to attempt a thousand variations of the same thing. Don't knock it. I'm having fun even though I'm struggling to keep my hands OUT of my hair while it's looking all fun and flirty like that.

Here goes nothin'. I'll probably post more pics tomorrow, because I'm thinking of doing something else to my hair tonight since I'll be taking a picture for my hospital security badge tomorrow. Can't wait!

Sidenote: I'm going to need to get myself some coconut oil and a conditioner without any alcohol in it.

Are you kidding me?!

My job is difficult. I write brief, unemotional news stories about some of the most brutal and devastating events in Los Angeles County. Lately, I've been writing an alarming amount of stories about children being beaten to death at the hands of, wait for it, their mothers' boyfriends. What the hell is going on?

To date, I recall writing a story about a woman who left her son with her ex-boyfriend while she moved some things into her new place. When she returned her son was dead and her former boo was in the wind. Nice. There was also a story about a woman whose live-in boyfriend stabbed her and three of her children, killing the kids, but did not touch a hair on the heads of any of his own children, including the two he shared with her. Unbelievable. Today I wrote yet another story about a man being arrested for probably beating his girlfriend's two-year-old son to death. Again I ask, what the hell is going on?

My mom said when I was growing up she felt like she didn't really have much of a voice, and she thought maybe she didn't stand up for me as much as she could have. I know one thing, nobody was putting their hands on me other than her. For whatever voice she thought she was lacking, my mom had no problem telling anyone who needed telling that she and she alone sat in labor with me for 16 hours, and that gave her exclusive rights to whatever punishments she saw fit to dole out. Having been through more than 24 hours of labor with my own child, I can kinda share her sentiment.

I can't help but wonder if there's more than just a bit of a self-esteem issue connected to the concept of abuse. As a woman, it is one thing to let a man put his hands on you and beat you within inches of your life. As a mother, though, it's a totally different thing to do nothing while a grown man pummels your child. Mommy instincts don't necessarily come standard-issue. I know this. But good grief, I thought there was something in just about everyone that screams "Nah, don't beat up the kid. I'll take those, if you don't mind."

For the life of me I don't know what kind of helplessness, rage or desperation a man has to be spiraling toward in order to take those frustrations out on a small child. These have not been cases where it's horrible but slightly feasible that a person could be so frazzled from the incessant cries of a baby that they lose control and shake with the intent of getting some peace and quiet that ends up becoming a little too quiet. Not at all. These children's bodies are bruised and battered, and any mother taking their child to an emergency room in that condition should look not as bad but much much worse, because that should be the ONLY way your child takes a beating that wasn't delivered by you.

Next up: why we, as people, need to grow up and give up on the idea that the only way to discipline a child is to beat him or her into submission.

Here's what they think about you...

I read a copy of the flyer for this "Compton Cookout" as part of a note on Facebook the other day, then today I came across this, and now I'm obligated to say a few things. Let me first say this: racism does not shock me. In fact, anyone that thought our President being black was going to make the racism issue better instead of worse is probably not as aware (or honest with themselves) about the society we all live in.

When I peruse news articles online, I'm always most intrigued with, and entertained by, the comments users leave with the end. It is in these little tidbits that you find out exactly what people think about just about everything. The comments at the end of this particular article invoke first amendment rights, of which I am a champion since my bread and butter is protected therein, and indicate that people clearly do not know what Black History Month is about. I do not refer to it as African American Heritage month because I do not refer to myself as African American. I'm black and a little militant. Don't get me started.

Anyhow, from what I understand, Black History Month has always been about us educating one another about the milestones our people reached and surpassed. How many of you remember being in the Black History Month assembly as a kid? Did you play Rosa Parks on the bus? Or Martin Luther King, Jr. marching in the streets? Black History Month is supposed to be about us and for us -- with the information, enthusiasm and pride being provided by us, because lawd knows we've digested more than enough of what everyone else thinks of us. We spend 11 months out of the year being inundated with information about each and every other culture and ethnicity, so it only makes sense that we at least use 28 consecutive days to toss around some facts and figures about our own selves. Right? Personally, I think we should be researching and discussing this information 365 days a year, but, as I said earlier, I'm a little militant.

When I read about these kinds of shenanigans, I'm always a wee bit amused. The invitation that circulated on Facebook didn't even have the correct spelling for Kool Aid, for goodness sakes. How can I take your insult seriously? When I look at everything I know for a fact has come out of Compton (my own mother, for example, not to mention those Venus and Serena girls), I can't muster up enough umph to be angry at the caricatures white frat boys found amusing "in honor of black history month." This is not their heritage. These are not their people. They don't have any real reason to be proud. They shouldn't be expected to find the value in something we don't believe is a joke. Black History Month is not for them.

In reality, most of the pride is gone on our end. In general, one should expect to be respected once respect is given. But when a group of people continue to express how much they do not respect you, your group of people or anything you stand for it's time to stop reaching out. Anybody remember this?

I'm not saying it's wrong to be upset. I'm saying stop expecting something different from a group of people that continues to show you exactly who they are and exactly what they are about. White frat boys aren't always going to understand you. They don't have to.

On John Mayer...

Okay, I should preface this post by saying I don't particularly listen to John Mayer or care about who he is. As a matter of fact, the entire situation would have flown well below my radar had it not been for my kid sister pining away for him to maybe one day acknowledge her existence as his most loyal follower on Twitter. She swears she is in love. Imagine my surpise, then, when this comes out within two weeks of said sister professing her undying love, affections and other attachments to this character. Sheesh. What am I supposed to do?!?!



Just to get it out of the way, I'm going to throw this question out there. Why don't folks know that "hood passes" are as quickly and as easily revoked as they are given out? Furthermore, those passes are only as good as the person that issued them. Why are folks so hype to be an "honorary black man" anyway? Black men reportedly get pulled over without cause, incarcerated at a higher rate and suffer the types of injustices I can only hope to never experience. It's not really a badge of honor to be able to tap into "black swag" and excuse yourself from the very real black burden. I'm a HUGE Jay Z fan, but him cosiging John Mayer at any point in time did not make dude any more or less attractive in my eyes. Apparently my sister didn't get that memo, though.



I don't know if she's up on the frenzy fueled by this article, but I know it's my job to guide her in a better direction. I can't say I'm offended, because, like I said, I don't find John Mayer attractive or acknowledge his existence much, but I can say I have a vested interest in building self esteem in young women of color.



I'm just about tired of the "black women are unattractive" weight piling up on our shoulders. Every month I read something about how black women are painfully single or black men are SO over black women and are exploring other ethnicities or black women are at the bottom of everybody's "To Do" list, even the white boys. I simply do not buy it. If it helps the rest of society feel better about themselves to continuously point out how undesireable black women are, more power to you good folks. I don't have the time or the patience to sit steeped in notions that are clearly contrary to what I see with my own two eyes.



Of course, at this point I could launch into the various topics of wearing relaxers and weaves or contacts and things like that in the effort to attain a beauty standard that is completely the opposite of black beauty. Instead, I look at the existence of tanning salons and "booty pop panties" and I just want my sister to know, in all her beautiful blackness, she does not need John Mayer to find her attractive if she is okay with who she sees in the mirror every day.



That man and his apparently racist genitalia have a right to their separate but equal preferences, and there really isn't much anybody can do about that. Nor should anybody really care. Mind your business! But do start putting more of your energy into loving you so it won't be devastating, or even mildly upsetting, when the rest of the world insists on trying to convince themselves they're better than you are.

So, which are you?

I looked at this and started thinking -- first about that old Next song that found itself stuck in everyone's head around my way, and second about how happily women cling to the term "wifey" and how selectively *cough* men sling it around. Personally, I've never been particularly moved by titles, and especially not the title "wifey," but that might be because I'm not a 19-year-old.

The slideshow, which appears on Essence.com, illustrates the difference between a wife and a wifey, likening the difference to that between renting and owning. That's big. Without completely ripping off every single item in the slideshow, I will say this: renting is supposed to be temporary while owning, by definition, is a bit more permanent -- even in this economic climate and with the dismal state of marriage and divorce rates in this country.

When we rent, our landlord remains responsible for most of the incidentals: you don't have to call a plumber or an electrician, in theory, you just hit up the folks who collect the rent and have them send over a Mr. Fix-It and move on with your day. Does this mean when you're wifey someone other than your man supposed to be taking care of your incidentals? And they wonder why we keep a freak on standby most of the time.

When you own, you're coming out of your pockets for things as simple as having trash removed from your property to having running water. Are you really ready for that? In case my analogy lost you, the general idea is that having a wifey isn't nearly as big a responsibility as having a wife is. Not that women are property or anything, but that's not the point that struck me the most anyway, so we'll move on.

Several guys weighed in on the topic, and one said a man who has a wifey -- not a wife -- is basically undervaluing what that woman is probably worth. Well, now we're getting to the good stuff. At first I thought this was a nice way of saying "men throw scraps and women keep happily settling," but now I'm starting to think of the term "wifey" as the proverbial "he's just afraid of commitment" phase, which means the issue is not just men who are throwing scraps it's also women who are making excuses. It's always good, albeit not always easy, to know what you're worth, but how far are we each going to really evaluate that? And once you know, what do you do?

After going through that slideshow, I came to the conclusion that "wifey" is a title a man gives his girlfriend when he doesn't want to hear her mouth about a ring or anything "extra," and as a bonus, said girlfriend, while swearing her title is just as good as that of a Mrs., works even harder toward promotion from "wifey" status. What a wonderful world.

While marriage is not for every man and woman, pretty much everyone wants to be taken seriously at some point, right? So, are you for rent or for sale?