My job is difficult. I write brief, unemotional news stories about some of the most brutal and devastating events in Los Angeles County. Lately, I've been writing an alarming amount of stories about children being beaten to death at the hands of, wait for it, their mothers' boyfriends. What the hell is going on?
To date, I recall writing a story about a woman who left her son with her ex-boyfriend while she moved some things into her new place. When she returned her son was dead and her former boo was in the wind. Nice. There was also a story about a woman whose live-in boyfriend stabbed her and three of her children, killing the kids, but did not touch a hair on the heads of any of his own children, including the two he shared with her. Unbelievable. Today I wrote yet another story about a man being arrested for probably beating his girlfriend's two-year-old son to death. Again I ask, what the hell is going on?
My mom said when I was growing up she felt like she didn't really have much of a voice, and she thought maybe she didn't stand up for me as much as she could have. I know one thing, nobody was putting their hands on me other than her. For whatever voice she thought she was lacking, my mom had no problem telling anyone who needed telling that she and she alone sat in labor with me for 16 hours, and that gave her exclusive rights to whatever punishments she saw fit to dole out. Having been through more than 24 hours of labor with my own child, I can kinda share her sentiment.
I can't help but wonder if there's more than just a bit of a self-esteem issue connected to the concept of abuse. As a woman, it is one thing to let a man put his hands on you and beat you within inches of your life. As a mother, though, it's a totally different thing to do nothing while a grown man pummels your child. Mommy instincts don't necessarily come standard-issue. I know this. But good grief, I thought there was something in just about everyone that screams "Nah, don't beat up the kid. I'll take those, if you don't mind."
For the life of me I don't know what kind of helplessness, rage or desperation a man has to be spiraling toward in order to take those frustrations out on a small child. These have not been cases where it's horrible but slightly feasible that a person could be so frazzled from the incessant cries of a baby that they lose control and shake with the intent of getting some peace and quiet that ends up becoming a little too quiet. Not at all. These children's bodies are bruised and battered, and any mother taking their child to an emergency room in that condition should look not as bad but much much worse, because that should be the ONLY way your child takes a beating that wasn't delivered by you.
Next up: why we, as people, need to grow up and give up on the idea that the only way to discipline a child is to beat him or her into submission.
